


The Eggplant Incident

by youjik33



Series: Stepped Out of the Line [5]
Category: Silicon Valley (TV)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-26
Updated: 2016-03-26
Packaged: 2018-05-29 06:57:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,988
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6363994
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/youjik33/pseuds/youjik33
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jared and Erlich go to the farmer's market.</p>
<p>(Disclaimer: The titular eggplant is not involved in any sexual acts, but this fic does contain rimming. If that grosses you out please feel free to skip the sex scene.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Eggplant Incident

**Author's Note:**

> Well, here it is, the last part I have planned for this series. This will probably be my last SV fic posted before season 3 airs... unless I write some PWPs. Which is not entirely impossible. (I definitely owe Dinesh, who is only ever in my fics so that I can make him uncomfortable.)

There were some advantages to having Jared around, Erlich had to admit. Besides the surprisingly good sex, it was kind of nice to have someone who was willing to let him make all the movie-watching decisions, and then thoughtfully discuss the movie afterward, no matter what it was. Someone who was willing to get up at 7 am to get to the farmers' market with him when it opened, and who, in fact, had coffee waiting in the kitchen when Erlich walked in at 7:15.

"I didn't know if you wanted breakfast," Jared said, sounding almost apologetic.

"Nope," Erlich said. "Just gonna grab a Pop-Tart. You want to split the pouch?"

Erlich had never seen anyone look so excited over a Pop-Tart outside of commercials. When they hit the road, Jared was actually humming between sips of coffee from his travel mug.

"Jeez, Jared, calm down. We're not going to Disneyland."

"I'm just happy I'm getting a chance to go before the season is over. Thank you for inviting me."

"I invited everyone," Erlich clarified. "The rest of them are lazy fucks who don't appreciate quality food."

"I didn't know you liked to cook."

"I don't. But there's a stall that sells the best goddamn tamales you will ever eat. I stock them in the freezer and get more when the stash runs low."

"That makes sense. I cook quite a lot, but usually just for myself. I'd actually..."

Erlich glanced over as Jared trailed off; he was looking at the floor. "What?"

"I'd like to cook for you, sometime. If you wouldn't mind."

"If you really want. I mean, if you give me food, I'll eat it."

"It wouldn't be weird?"

"Well, it wouldn't have been if you hadn't just said that."

They had been having sex almost every day for the past week, but neither of them had made any effort to put a label on the relationship, and that was just fine with Erlich. They'd been having fun – more fun than he would have expected, considering this was Jared, of all people – and as far as he was concerned, that was all it was. Jared making him dinner didn't have to mean anything.

"Maybe I should get Richard something," Jared said after a few minutes of silence. "As congratulations."

"For finally pulling his head out of his ass?"

"Well, I wouldn't have said it that way..."

"I really don't want to be here more than half an hour," Erlich said as they got out of the car. "So please don't be one of those people who has to look at every single thing on every single table. I can and will leave without you."

"That's fine," Jared said as they made their way into the first row of stalls. "I'll just browse a bit. ...do you think Richard would like vanilla-infused honey?"

"I don't know. What do you do with that?"

"You could put it on oatmeal."

Erlich was about to point out that he had never seen Richard eat a bowl of oatmeal, but didn't get a chance.

"Eggplant!" Jared gasped, like he'd just found a lost Van Gogh at a flea market and not produce at a produce stall. "I didn't think it was still in season."

"That's the last of it," the lady behind the table chimed in. "Once these two are gone, we're out until next summer."

"Oh, really?" A little old lady in a denim jacket with pawprints printed all over it had appeared out of nowhere. "Do you need both of them, young man? I would love to make some eggplant parmigiana. I'd be happy with the smaller one."

"Oh, no, help yourself!" Jared said. "Eggplant parmigiana? That sounds like a great idea. Do you have a recipe you wouldn't mind sharing?"

"Yeah, okay, have fun with that," Erlich cut in. The last thing he wanted was to listen to some old person go off on an endless tangent. "I'm going to grab my tamales."

He hadn't been to the market in months, but it only took him a few seconds to find the right table. The same short Mexican woman he always saw was leaning against it, her gray-streaked hair pulled into a thick ponytail and dangling over her shoulder. She perked up when she saw him coming.

"Hey," he said.

"Good morning! I haven't seen you in a long time."

"I've been busy." Erlich felt vaguely pleased that she recognized him.

"A dozen pork, as usual?"

"Better make it two dozen this time, I'm going to share."

"Ohhhh?" she asked teasingly as she started packaging up the tamales. "Someone special?"

"Uh," Erlich said, counting out his cash. "I guess you could say that."

He thanked her and tucked the heavy paper bag into the crook of his arm, then turned and almost collided with Jared. "What the hell happened to you?" he asked. Jared was wide-eyed, even paler than usual, and breathing hard. "And where's your eggplant?"

"It's nothing," Jared said. "Someone else wanted it."

"What?" Erlich frowned. "Somebody stole it from you?"

"He didn't steal it," Jared said. "I didn't pay for it. He just said he wanted it, and grew increasingly insistent."

"And you just handed it over?"

"Not exactly. He just kind of took it. And pushed me, a little bit. Look, it's fine, he clearly wanted it a lot more than I did-"

"Like hell it's fine," Erlich said. "Who was it?"

"I don't know, a dark-haired guy with a mustache--"

Almost as soon as Jared had said it, Erlich saw him. He still had the eggplant in one hand while he bent over another table. It wasn't just a _mustache_ , it was waxed and curled up at the ends, and Erlich wanted to punch it off his stupid face. Erlich shoved the bag of tamales at Jared. "Hold this," he said, ignoring Jared's protests.

"Hey!" he shouted, striding down the aisle. "Mustache! Yeah, you, Mr. Hipster Pringles Can! That's my boyfriend's eggplant, and you fucking better give it back."

"What the hell?" The guy took a step back. He was a good six inches shorter than Erlich, and probably at least a hundred pounds lighter. "I paid for it."

"Give it up," Erlich said, "Or I'll take it from you, and then I'll shove it down your throat so far you'll be pissing aubergine."

"Erlich," Jared murmured urgently, and Erlich looked up to see two uniformed police officers making their way down the aisle.

"Is there a problem here, gentlemen?" the one in front asked.

"Not at all, ma'am," Erlich said. "In fact, we were just leaving. I'll just take that, thanks for holding it for me."

The hipster douche, whether out of intimidation or sheer surprise, made no attempt to stop Erlich from taking the eggplant out of his hand and walking away.

He shoved it into Jared's lap when they were in the car. "I don't even know what you want with this thing," he said, although now that he looked at it again it'd probably make a pretty decent bong.

"Thank you," Jared said.

Something about the way he said it – quietly, with something almost like reverence – made Erlich squirm in his seat. "That guy was a dick."

"You stood up for me," Jared said.

"You're a fucking doormat, Jared, somebody has to. ...holy shit, do you have a boner right now?"

He couldn't really see Jared's reaction, since he had to watch the road, but the other man hunched in on himself. "You were very, um, intense, back there."

"And that gets you going, huh?"

"Apparently."

Erlich pushed a little harder on the gas pedal.

 

\----

 

Erlich shoved the tamales haphazardly into the freezer as soon as they made it home, and then Jared surprised him by grabbing him by the shoulders and kissing him, right there against the refrigerator door. More aggressive than usual, too, tongue shoved right into Erlich's mouth; Erlich got both hands on Jared's ass, and squeezed.

"Yikes," Dinesh said over his bowl of cereal. "Is this going to become a regular occurrence? I'm not sure how comfortable I am with that."

Erlich ignored the question and pointed to the eggplant on the counter. "Touch this and I gut you," he told Dinesh, then grabbed Jared's wrist and dragged him into the bedroom. He barely remembered to shut the door before he started pulling clothes off.

"Fuck, you really are ready to go, aren't you," Erlich said as he tugged Jared's khakis down his hips. Jared's cock wasn't only hard and straining against the thin fabric of his underwear but leaking, a wet spot darkening the white cotton.

"Yes," Jared gasped, lifting his hips to help Erlich tug the briefs out of the way.

"That was rhetorical," Erlich said. "Turn over."

Jared did as he was told, and Erlich took a second to admire the way he looked, stretched out nearly the entire length of Erlich's California King mattress, long and lean, his pale skin flushed pink along his neck and shoulders. He still had no ass to speak of, but Erlich grabbed it with both hands anyway, ran his thumb down the crack. He could feel Jared shaking under his palms, and then went right in, following the path his thumb had just taken with his tongue.

Jared let out a yelp of surprise, slapping a hand over his mouth to shut himself up. But he didn't tell Erlich to stop, so he kept at it, working his tongue around the hole. He wouldn't have done this for just anyone, but Jared was probably the most hygienic person he'd ever met, and right now he just wanted to make him feel good. Judging by the way Jared was bucking against him and whimpering into the pillows, it was working.

"Erlich," he gasped after a minute.

"Hm?"

Jared was panting, and shook his head as though he was having a hard time getting his thoughts straight. Odd-looking as he was, when he was sweaty and disheveled like this, hair falling into his face, he actually looked pretty hot.

"Need me to stop?" Erlich asked.

"No!" Jared gasped. "Oh, my God. No. I need..." Words failing, Jared reached for the bedside table, fumbling in the drawer and tossing the lube and condoms down the mattress toward Erlich.

"Hard and fast?" Erlich asked, reaching for the lube, but he already knew the answer. He had Jared right on the edge already, and it didn't take long to push them both over it.

Afterward, sweaty and sticky as they were, Jared cuddled up against him, his head on Erlich's shoulder while Erlich ran his fingers through Jared's hair.

"If I ask you something," Jared said, "Will you try to answer honestly?"

"Ten minutes ago I had my tongue in your asshole. I think we've established a certain level of trust."

"Point taken," Jared said, but then he fell silent, and Erlich started to wonder if he'd forgotten what he wanted to say until he blurted, "Why did you call me your boyfriend?"

"I didn't," Erlich said in surprise. "Wait. Did I?"

"You did," Jared said. "Earlier, at the farmer's market. When you were confronting that... man."

"I guess I did," Erlich said. "Well, it was a lot easier than trying to explain the complexities of the situation."

"Is it really that complex?"

Erlich thought about that. He hadn't spent this much time one on one with another person in-- well, years. He could get laid easily enough, if he wanted, but he didn't really want to.

That realization made him go tense, his fingers going still on the back of Jared's neck. "Fuck," he said. "I guess we are boyfriends."

He felt Jared shift against him, and resumed stroking his hair. "You don't have to look so pleased with yourself," Erlich grumbled. "We both know you're getting the better deal."

But he found himself smiling back anyway.

 


End file.
